A Failed Experiment

I regret to inform all of you that I am closing this blog. I have come to this decision after having reviewed the archived posts from beginning to end and comparing them to what my goals for this blog were. The two don’t really match up well. My original intentions, in a nut shell, were (a) for it to help foster my motivation to write- it didn’t do that at all, and (b) to be a sort of diary for me. It both succeeded and failed at that in different ways in which I’ll explain. In a diary, a true diary, a person is supposed to write down all the contents of their mind without worry of judgment. With a blog sometimes that’s possible and sometimes it’s not. It’s easy enough to write your daily or weekly routine or goings on, but I’ve realized that I enjoy writing down that stuff as much as I enjoy reading it, which is part of the reason a lot of time passes between some of my posts. But there’s another aspect of the diary that one must account for; when you're writing down your deepest feelings about a person, your mother, your lover, someone you secretly admire, or your hated enemy, you don't really have to worry about someone coming across your words. In a blog, however, you have to pick and choose whom you talk about and how depending upon the status of their access to your blog. So, to that end, I guess I've found that I’m not really a diary person. Not an online one anyway.

If you can stomach to look through the archives of this blog, you will see that it roughly breaks down like thus:

BAD
~31% Self-loathing and inane cynicism- This just looks like attention begging and pity groveling. I don’t really believe I’m an attention begger but nevertheless, it looks like it and smells like it.
~15% Boring personal updates and news about routine

OKAY
~10% Random silliness

GOOD
~14% Occasional interesting musings about news and tibits
~13% Philosophical musings/discussions/ramblings
~10% My writings

That other seven percent doesn’t exist, I guess. I’ll just let you figure that out on your own. Or you can adjust the figures above to fit better. Whichever floats your boat. The point is there’s a lot of stuff in there I’m not particularly fond of. On very few occasions posts have caused such problems that I removed them completely. One of those occasions happened very recently. With them I fear I may have irreparably altered two, possibly three friendships. Some see what I write purely as an attempt to hurt them. It’s not true. I only write the things I do in an attempt to express how I feel and possibly affect some kind of positive change. No matter how I intend it, the outcome is nearly always the same; it doesn’t work and people end up with hurt feelings. So, I’m through trying to make things better- via blogging anyway.

A condition that sometimes coincides with events like that; If I’m drunk and with people, I’m happy and jovial. But when I’m drunk and by myself- luckily, 98% of the time that’s NOT the case-, I’m morose and profound and that’s when I get on the internet and write things. Bad things have not always come from that, but good things never have. So, a goal from now on is to stay away from the key board after I’ve been drinking. It’ll probably keep everybody happy, especially those who like proper grammar, spelling, and syntax.

In closing, I’m calling this blog a failed experiment in that it didn’t achieve the goals I had set for it and it has served to make some people unhappy. Sorry, folks. I don’t know what else to say.